‘I wondered where God was in all this. My world was colourless and dark. The rainbow of promise I yearned for was nowhere in sight. The word “traumatized” barely even scratched the surface of how I felt.’
Nurse Emma Rutland’s joy at the promise of starting a family did not turn out to be as straightforward as she expected. In the midst of loss, including a stillborn son, she had three daughters and had to learn to deal with severe illness, Down’s Syndrome and autism. Stretched is Emma’s personal story of hope and survival in the face of tragedy and challenging circumstances.
Emma struggled with the pain of miscarriage and baby loss, and the emotional heartache that this brings. In fact, Emma wrote this book because she felt that there was nothing to help her in her hour of need and wanted to provide some comfort and hope to others in the same situation. Emma says: “I want to help others to see that they can get through dark times and come through them as stronger people and that there is joy on the other side of sorrow.”
Having to revisit painful experiences in order to write this book has been a very personal challenge. “Each time I have sat and written, I have asked the Holy Spirit to help me, and in the four years it has taken me, I have felt that I have not been alone during the process. Some days I struggled to know what to write, but slowly the story came together. The process, at times, required a box of tissues beside me as I relived the pain of that moment, but I think this has led me to a stronger place and made me grateful for all that I have.” It is Emma’s commitment to sharing her story so honestly that will resonate and help provide comfort for others in the same situation.
Sadly, Emma’s struggles did not end when she finally had her own family. She was faced with the pain of dealing with a severe illness that nearly took her young daughter’s life away from her, and then struggled with the challenges that autism brought to her family as a whole. But despite all these challenges, Emma says that these experiences have taught her a valuable lesson: “Parenting a child with special needs and having lost a baby has shown me that life is a gift. I can’t control it or own it. I can’t decide whether I have breath in my lungs, but it’s my responsibility to decide what I do with the life I have been given. Having this belief has enabled me to hold both life and death as precious entities.”
As Emma’s dreams of a normal, happy family life with husband Andy were overtaken by the reality of loss and disability, she searched for hope. At times her faith in God was called into question, but even in the darkest of times God would graciously reveal himself; often through rainbows, bringing Emma hope and the courage to carry on. Over the years, Emma says that she has “learnt how to decide to be under the shadow of God’s wings rather than live in the fear of what life might throw at me.”
And this sums up the heart of Stretched – yes, there are undoubtedly times of real pain, heartache, doubt and fear, and Emma never sugarcoats the challenges that are part of her daily family life even to this day, but she also demonstrates by her own experiences the victory of living an unexpected life with a faithful God.
Emma says: “I pray that hope is implanted and that for even just one person who feels that they can’t fight any more, that they can pick themselves up and brush themselves down and fight for one more day.”
Real, raw and candid, Stretched will encourage anyone struggling with baby loss or parenting challenges.
‘I discovered how God works within our suffering, in the midst of lost dreams and when we are experiencing heartache.’
Together Magazine
Together is the Christian resources magazine for the UK, with stories of what God is doing across the church today, book reviews and publishing industry news. Subscribe now at www.togethermagazine.org.